3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
