So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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