By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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