So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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