So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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