Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
