stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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