I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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