Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
