If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Vodka?
Forever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
