Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
