allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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