hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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