The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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