Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
