I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
