When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
not ubering you a puppy
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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