No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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