Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 607 share tweet
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
