went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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