imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
