Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Your cock deserves a montage
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
