Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
