These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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