I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
