It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
