i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
