im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
