do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
