I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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