Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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