whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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