Plan B is the new Plan A
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
