you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
