So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
