Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
