I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
