god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
