my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
