i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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