Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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