My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
