I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
