I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
