He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
