Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
