I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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