But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
