I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
