Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
