Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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